Today was the first day of two summer classes, Intermediate Algebra and College Level Reading & Composition. I was sweating! It made me feel anxious to be intellectually and academically pushed again; I couldn't day dream for one minute because I'd completely lose track if I did. The feeling of nostalgia made me rather happy, in some sense of the word.
I don't know how I'll feel about the length of these classes even one week from now, but currently I'm content with 28 days left. Even if it's from 8am - 1pm, I think the days will decrease at a fast rate, and that the pressure to learn 16 weeks worth of information in 6 weeks will help me to focus more. I like some things fast.
MO II YO.
Gakko ga bo-ri-n-gu desu.
I hugged a saint! But, being skeptical and generally uninspired but religion and huge collective followings, it didn't feel like an amazing spiritual experience, but just a great life experience. She was an exceptionally good hug. And hearing her mantra in my ear and smelling her flowers was different than anything I've ever felt before, something I'll never forget.
Ali and I have been getting a lot closer. It feels like he will be a great friend, like he is now. Some people you work hard to love and understand, and then some people it requires no effort with. Loving him and understanding him are natural.
It does make me uneasy, or conflicted, when I remember that he and I have made out. Although I was only open to the possibility of liking him then, and no strong feelings really existed in me, when I remember what happened the feeling of rejection rises and it makes me twist my mouth in confusion and discomfort. It makes me feel ugly.
ITAI ne?
KOI ya, TOMODACHI ya, SABISHI ya...
I'm beyond excited to move to Portland. Change, change, change. Ma, of course it won't be perfect there, but it symbolizes POSSIBILITIES and a NEW start.
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